Strands of Light
by IceFire9
Summary: She didn't know who she was, where she was, or even her own name. All she knew for certain was that she loved the Doctor.
1. Fire

**Strands of Light**

**Chapter 1**

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, or its characters.

Summary: She didn't know who she was or where she was or even her own name. All she knew for certain was that she loved the Doctor.

There was no time to react. No way to dodge or talk her way out of the situation. The Tardis was supposed to be safe, so she had let her guard down.

If only she hadn't left the door open.

The Doctor saw it coming, his eyes widening in fear a split second before the Dalek's beam struck her side.

Clara felt pain like nothing she ever felt before. Surging through her body and taking away her sanity. She saw white.

When awareness returned to her, she was lying on the floor. Pain was still ringing through her, but it was an echo compared to how it had been.

She heard the Doctor crying, honest to god crying, above her. Her heart cried out for her to ease his pain. She willed herself to say something, anything, to let him know that she was alright, but she didn't have the strength to issue much more than a moan.

"Clara!" The Doctor gasped, his voice full of joy, shock, and hope. She heard the sound of his sonic, probably scanning her. _"Impossible." _He muttered fondly.

"Clara, if you can hear me, I need you to open your eyes. Open your eyes for me, Clara." The Doctor urged her tenderly. She had never heard the Doctor like this, (well, not this face). He had always tried to maintain some distance between them. She supposed almost losing her had brought out his affectionate side.

Clara's heart called out to him at the warmth in his voice; but then she felt his hand cup her cheek and she was sure it would burst.

She fought through the tiredness in her eyelids to meet his request. After one failed attempt, which prompted another gentle request by the Doctor, she felt some strength return to her and managed to pry her eyes open.

Tears were running down his face, but his eyes were shining with wonder… and love.

"Doc-tor." She managed, her voice hoarse. Her hand, almost automatically, went up to wipe the tears of his cheeks. She was momentarily surprised that she had the strength, but then again, she _was _feeling a lot better, if a little odd. A gentle burning sensation had been kindled in the pit of her stomach. Not painful, but unsettling.

"Clara." He kissed her forehead "You truly are impossible. How are you feeling?"

"Good, actually."

"You should be dead." The Doctor responded, and then he scanned her again with his screwdriver.

Clara propped herself up. "I honestly feel fine now, I little weird, but good."

The Doctor arched his eyebrow "Weird, how?" The tone of his voice told her that this was a very important question.

Clara internally examined the burning sensation in her stomach. It was spreading, and was getting more intense, but not painfully so. "It's a sort of burning, in my stomach. It doesn't hurt, it's just… warm."

"Impossible." The Doctor said bluntly.

"Okay, how am I impossible this time?" She smiled.

He scanned her again and said "You're regenerating."

The smile slip off her face. "I'm sorry. _What?_"

"Somehow, you are regenerating. You were shot by a Dalek. You should be _dead_. Instead you're not only alive, but feeling good. Not to mention you have a large amount of energy flowing through your body, it must be regenerative energy. Your description is exactly how a regeneration feels like at the beginning."

"But how can I be regenerating? That's something only Time Lords can do, right?" Confusion and not a small amount of fear blossomed inside of her in tandem with the burning feeling.

"You jumped into my timeline. Of course! You must have absorbed hundreds of years of time energy!" The Doctor exclaimed, smiling widely now. "River Song was able to regenerate because he was conceived in the time vortex. Donna Noble got the mind of a Time Lord by coming into contact with regeneration energy. Clara-" The smile disappeared when he saw what must have been sheer terror on her face.

"So, I'll change then. Become a new person." Her voice warbled with suppressed fear. The 'fire' had spread to her chest, making it feel like she couldn't get enough air no matter how deeply she breathed. "Doctor. There's got to be a way-"

"To stop it? Trust me, if there was a way, my past two incarnations would have taken it." The Doctor shook his head "It's going to be alright, Clara."

"You're not the one who's about to have their entire personality re-written!" She lashed out.

The Doctor gave her a sharp look and Clara cringed "Sorry."

Regeneration energy spread, like fire in her veins, down her arms and legs.

"Clara, it is very important that you listen to me. Regeneration is a difficult process. Time lords have lost themselves; good people have turned evil, because of regeneration gone wrong. You have to focus on something important to you, something to ground yourself."

As he said this, the energy flared in her chest, momentarily causing a sharp pain near her heart. Clara cried out and clutched at her chest, only to stare in wonder at her hands, they were glowing.

"Clara. You have to _focus._"

Desperately, Clara tried to find something, anything, to cling to. She was terrified, lost…

_"__It doesn't matter where you are, in the jungle or the desert or on the moon. However lost you may feel, you'll never really be lost. Not really. Because I will always be here, and I will always come and find you. Every single time. Every single time."_

Her mother's words came to her. She remembered that moment when her mother found her, terror and despair giving way as she was enfolded in her mother's arms.

_"__Clara. My Clara."_

She remembered being lost in his timeline, but then he came to her, her Doctor. He had saved her, his Clara. She remembered collapsing in his arms. The smell of him, the feel of his jacket, the beat of his hearts, were all burned into her memory.

_"__I know where he will be. Where he will always be. If the Doctor is still the Doctor, he will have my back."_

"Clara. No matter what happens, I will be with you every step of the way."

Clara opened her eyes, and there he was. Her Doctor. Her mum may not be there to find her and bring her home, but he would. The Doctor would always have her back.

Then her world became fire.


	2. Light

**Chapter 2: Light**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

**Summary: **Clara must deal with the aftermath of regeneration. Who is she? What does she want? Is there anything left to salvage of her old life? Thankfully, the Doctor is there to help.

Chaos.

She couldn't hold onto anything. Every thought was ripped from her into a swirling vortex. _I blew into this world on a leaf. I'm still blowing. I don't think I'll ever land._

Then, like shards of a mirror slotting back together, her world crystallized around a pair of blue eyes. Sad eyes. Kind eyes. Scared eyes.

_Eyes. _

"Eyes?" A voice responded, a voice that calmed her pounding hearts. Oh, did she say that out loud? Oops.

Her vision widened to take in the rest of him. She couldn't help but smile. She wasn't quite sure who he was, where she was, or much of anything for that matter, but she felt certain, deep in her soul, that should could trust him.

"Hi." She breathed.

Then, just as suddenly as her senses came to her, feelings came next. _Ah, that explains why I trust him. _

Because she still wasn't sure who she was, but she knew without a doubt that she loved this man.

"CLARA!" The man squawked as he flailed his arms wildly. _Alright, so maybe kissing him wasn't the best idea. _To be fair, kissing him wasn't so much an idea, but an impulse. Normally, people could suppress their impulses, but she was having a bit of trouble with that at the moment.

Clara (that must be her name, since the man called her that) pulled back. Maybe he wasn't a kissing person?

"Clara, tell me. How do you feel?" He placed his hands on her shoulders firmly, half to comfort her and half to physically restrain her if she tried to kiss him again.

Clara smiled again. "Good!" And she meant it.

It was unfortunate, then, that she collapsed immediately after saying it.

* * *

><p>She was not sleeping, not dreaming, but in a trance.<p>

_The Doctor._

_I need to save the Doctor._

That one idea coursed through her. It was something repeated so many times, compelling so many lives, that it overwhelmed every other thought process.

_I need to save the Doctor._

The Doctor was in danger. He was always in danger. He threw himself head first into danger to save others, and that made enemies. _Daleks. Cybermen. _

But no, that wasn't what she needed to save him from. The Doctor could strike fear into the hearts of any manner of monster. He _usually _didn't need protecting from them.

_I need to save the Doctor._

He was so lonely. His friends always left him, or died, or forgot. Yet, despite the pain, he always continued on running, saving, loving.

That was it.

_I need to save the Doctor._

She needed to save him from himself. Help him fight the darkness that he had admitted was inside of him. She needed to help him keep his promise, to stop him from going too far, and remind him of the good in people.

She loved him. She knew that almost immediately after regenerating. Her previous face had loved him, but couldn't open herself up to him completely. She had always been afraid of being hurt, or left behind.

She had chosen to date … someone else. Danny Pink. He was safe, comfortable, but even then her fear of leaving her heart vulnerable almost ruined that relationship before it could even take off.

This body wasn't afraid. In fact, she felt pretty damn fearless; at least when it came to matters of the heart, or maybe that was just with the Doctor.

Then she awoke.

She was in her room. The Doctor was there, looking haggard. A large collection of old tomes were piled onto the floor next to where he sat, and another was propped up in his lap. Their titles were in Galifreyan, a language she could only pick up a few words from thanks to her half-remembered life as a Time Lady.

"Hey."

"Clara!" The Doctor startled, knocking the book he was reading down to the floor.

She smiled fondly at him, and then sprung to her feet.

Unfortunately, she wasn't used to this new, much taller body. She would have crashed face first into the floor if the Doctor hadn't grabbed her at the last minute.

"New body, it takes some time to adjust." He explained to her as he propped her back up, but she had already shifted her focus, looking distractedly around at her bedroom.

"My room's all wrong!" Clara frowned.

The Doctor raised one of his eyebrows. "It's the same as how you left it, Clara."

She shook her head. "Nononono, it's _different._"

"_You're _different." The Doctor countered bluntly. "The room is exactly the same. I checked; familiar surroundings help with dealing with regeneration."

Clara froze as her brain tried to process what she was being told. Now that she looked closely, her room _was _the same. The problem was that she didn't like it anymore, which led to a contradiction that her brain simply wasn't equipped to handle.

Clara turned around, searching for something the _same_. Something for her brain to latch onto. Instead, she saw her reflection, a stranger. She was quite a bit taller and rail thin. She had dirty blonde hair and an excessive amount of freckles.

_Who am I?_

"I don't know who I am." She whispered, tears appearing unbidden.

"Clara." The Doctor said firmly, and his face came into focus in front of her. She felt his hands come to her shoulders, anchoring her. "It's going to be all right. Everyone has a hard time their first regeneration. You might remember how bad a time I had with my _last_ regeneration."

"You got me and Strax mixed up." She laughed tearfully. "You called Madame Vastra _the_ _green one_."

"You'll find that there is quite a bit that you have in common with your previous face." The Doctor continued "Let's focus on those things before we start exploring how your tastes have changed."

The Doctor was going a long way toward calming her down. "Okay. So let's see- hold on! Do I sound Irish to you?"

The Doctor smirked. "A bit."

"What a pair we make, then!"

* * *

><p>The Doctor was hovering.<p>

Her previous self would have secretly loved it, while castigating the Doctor for it simultaneously. Now, the Doctor's attentions just gave her a warm glow inside, and made her feel safe.

She was dare she say it, easygoing. It was really hard to get used to. Often, something would happen that would have set her last face off; she felt she should be upset or angry, but confusingly wasn't. To be honest, being a control freak wasn't something she was proud of in her last face, so as far as changes went, she was fine with it.

Well, as fine as she could be with her entire life being rewritten.

Some things about her personality hadn't changed though. She still won't walk out on people she cares about. If anything, she cares more. Danny had called several times, and the Doctor had to disable her phone with his sonic to stop her from answering.

Logically, she knew it would be a bad idea to answer the phone. Even if she could get Danny to believe that it was, in fact, her, she had no idea what to say to him. According to the Doctor, she would have the lifespan of a Time Lord, how could she have a relationship with a human? However, she felt very, very strongly that he didn't deserved to be left in limbo. She still cared about him, quite a bit in fact.

She just wished there was some way to make this work without someone's heart getting broken, in the end.

She worried even more about how her father would react. It would be like losing a daughter for him. After the loss of her mother, she wasn't sure if he would be able to take it. She would have to try to help him, but she didn't know how. Would he even believe what she was telling him? Would he still accept her as his daughter?

The Doctor insisted that these hard conversations could wait. Clara could see the appeal, more strongly than ever, of simply running from these problems. She knew though, that everyone involved deserved better than that.

Other changes to her life didn't matter as much. Her last self would have been beyond enraged that she couldn't continue teaching at Coal Hill. Now, she viewed it with a sort of resignation. She wanted to keep some permanent ties to earth; at least while her dad was around, but her previous self's determination to live a normal life seemed obsolete now. She would likely live for a thousand years or more, it simply wasn't practical to 'settle down' somewhere on earth.

It was a few days until Danny gave up on calling, and knocked on her door. "Clara? Are you in there? I haven't heard from you in a while and-"

Clara opened the door. Danny looked at her in confusion for a second. "Hi, sorry." He snapped out of his momentary confusion "Are you a friend of Clara's?"

He still looked bewildered. Clara didn't have many friends, as her social life had been restricted to the Doctor, Danny and some casual friendships with the other teachers at school. Clara internally grimaced; this was going to be difficult.

"Danny. This is really hard to explain, but it's me. I'm Clara." Perhaps, it might just be best to handle this bluntly.

Danny blinked. "What?"

"I'm Clara, I've changed, but it's still me." She tried again.

Danny shook his head in disbelief "This is a joke, right. This is one of your not-funny jokes, right Clara?" Danny called into the house at large, not addressing Clara herself. That stung a bit, but then again, she hadn't exactly reacted well to the Doctor's regeneration and she knew about it beforehand.

The Doctor was there to back her up. "It's no joke. In fact, this is an incredibly serious situation, Danny Pink." He was looking at the teacher with a piercing gaze. Clara knew the Doctor would be carefully watching how Danny handled this situation. He had never been convinced that Danny was good enough for her.

The Doctor's presence, at least, convinced Danny of the reality of the situation. "Is it really you, Clara?" She nodded in response.

Danny looked hardly at the Doctor. "This is your fault, isn't it Doctor? Something-" "Danny, stop." Clara interrupted. She would not have Danny lay more guilt on the Doctor's shoulders, especially when he was probably already blaming himself for this.

"It's my fault as much as his. This is a big adjustment, but I'll be fine." Clara gave him her most convincing smile. Apparently this face wasn't as good at lying because Danny saw right through it and his frown deepened.

"Can't you change her back?" Danny asked the Doctor, his voice a mix between accusing and desperate. That struck Clara like a blow to the face. It felt like a rejection, like she couldn't live up to her previous face. Danny probably didn't mean it as such, but his words struck deep in her psyche.

The Doctor's eyes grew cold "No. I cannot." He glanced at the woman beside him, who was not quite succeeding in suppressing tears. She wasn't nearly as good at hiding emotions as she used to be.

At seeing the state she was in, the Doctor turned to Danny and said darkly "In fact, you should leave." He punctuated this by slamming the door in his face.

**A/N: **Thanks for the response to this! I hope you like this chapter as well.


	3. Remember

**Chapter 3: Remember**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

* * *

><p>"I can't do it Doctor." Clara sniffled. She had latched herself onto the Doctor, who was now awkwardly patting her back.<p>

"What if he reacts like Danny? What if he doesn't want anything to do with me?" Danny's reaction had shaken her, nearly plunging her back into an existential crisis. Thankfully, The Doctor had been there help her come to terms with herself again.

"He won't." The Doctor says.

Clara looked up at him with red rimmed eyes "How do you know?"

"Because I've been a father before. You choose your friends and who you date; you can't choose your family. It might take him some time, but he will come around."

Clara nodded and burrowed her head into his shoulder. The Doctor sighed in resignation. This Clara was very… touchy feely. She loved to cuddle, hold hands, and yes, hug.

He wasn't a hugging person, nor was he much of a cuddling person. He was fine with holding hands and casual touches but something about having someone's arms wrapped around him made him feel trapped, as if Clara's hugs could chain him to Earth and he would never be able to leave.

Still, Clara loved them, so they had to come to a compromise. She could hug him whenever she wanted, but he reserved the right to grumble about it all he wanted.

He was even, dare he say it, getting used to it (not that he'd ever let Clara on to that).

"Now, come on Clara." The Doctor prompted. "There's a whole world of foods for you to try again. Duran Vega! It has the best food court in the universe, with nearly every food ever invented."

Clara smiled. His attempt to distract her from her problems was obvious, but still sweet. Alright, maybe she could put off talking to her father for a little while longer.

* * *

><p>The food court of Duran Vega was known as the 24th wonder of the universe. It was vast, bustling mecca. Aliens of all types travelled here to sample one of the ultimate expressions of human culture. Foods from every human culture stretching back for centuries were available.<p>

She still liked tea.

That was very comforting, because that was one of the few things that had stayed constant through her regeneration. She glanced at the Doctor. He was sitting across from her, scowling at some futuristic magazine.

"Exactly the same inane drivel." He muttered "You humans never change, even after centuries of technological progress you're still obsessed with-" he grimaced "_who wore it best._"

Looking at him, she was struck by a warm rush of affection. God, she loved him. "I love you."

_Shit, did I say that out loud?_

The Doctor stared at her open mouthed in shock, his face had gone completely white. There was no way she could take that back and maybe she didn't want to. _Well, in for a penny…_

"You told me to focus on what I feel the same about, but it always keeps coming back to you. You were the last thing I thought of before I regenerated. It doesn't matter what face I have, or what face you have, I think it will always be true."

"Clara… I-" He stammered, and it felt like a knife to her chest.

"It's alright Doctor. I understand if you don't feel the same." Clara managed despite the tears stinging her eyes and ache in her chest that was startlingly similar to how it felt to be hit by a Dalek beam.

"No!" The Doctor burst out, and Clara's hope filled eyes locked with his.

"What do you mean Doctor? No, as in you feel the same?"

"It's- it's hard for me to say." The Doctor sighed "how I feel. I'm sorry. You deserve better."

Clara shook your head fondly, even as her heart was flooded with warmth. It wasn't exactly a confession, but he loved her. He probably had always loved her. But he'd been alone for so long, plagued by the pain of loves lost and believing that she deserved better than him. How ridiculous was that? One person couldn't deserve or not deserve someone else. That wasn't how loved worked.

Instead of telling him any of that, Clara said "You're afraid."

"I'm terrified." He admitted.

"A while back, I told a young boy something about fear, something I think you need to hear again."

"What?" The Doctor's expression turned from guarded to curious.

"Listen." Clara breathed "This is just a dream. But very clever people can hear dreams. So, please, just listen. I know you're afraid, but being afraid is all right. Because didn't anybody ever tell you? Fear is a superpower. Fear can make you faster and cleverer and stronger. And one day, you're going to come back to this barn. And on that day you're going to be very afraid indeed."

The Doctor was staring at her, eyes glistening with a mixture of love and awe.

"But that's okay, because if you're very wise and very strong, fear doesn't have to make you cruel or cowardly. Fear can make you kind." Tears were now streaming down Clara's face.

It was oddly humbling. He had remembered those words for centuries, spoken them back to her at his darkest moment, and used them to comfort a young boy two millennia later. He listened, and he ran, and he always remembered.

"You're always going to be afraid, even if you learn to hide it. Fear is like a companion. A constant companion, always there. But that's okay, because fear can bring us together. " She reached across the table for his hand. Almost instinctively, his fingers laced together with hers.

"Fear can bring you home."

For a moment, there was absolute silence. The Doctor seemed to be struggling for words.

"That's what I think of." The Doctor said suddenly, his voice hoarse from emotion. "When I regenerate, I think of that dream. It's how I keep from losing myself."

"When I was a boy, I thought it might have been an angel, but it was you." His free hand moved across the table to meet hers, fingers entwining again. "It was always you, from the very beginning. You've been watching over me, guiding me." He blinked as a few tears leaked from his eyes.

"My guardian angel." His voice was now full of the awe that had been in his eyes before. "My guiding light. My Clara."

She loved how he said her name.

Clara beamed. "My Doctor."

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, before Clara broke it. "Now, no more of this ridiculous 'I don't deserve you' rubbish. Alright Doctor? No more running from love. I love you, and I know you love me. It doesn't have to be difficult. We have enough problems and drama in our life as it is."

"Yes ma'am." The Doctor smirked.

Clara rolled her eyes. So maybe she was a little bossy when the situation called for it, but nothing like her last face. The Doctor just liked teasing her. She looked down at their entwined fingers, then back up to his eyes and for once they weren't sad or guilty or regretful. They were shining.

It was then that she realized, she had just had the most intimate, life changing conversation of her life in a food court.

"Doctor?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think you could take us somewhere a little more secluded?"

The Doctor's eyes glinted mischievously, in a way that sent tingles down Clara's spine. "I have just the place in mind."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Kill the Moon and Mummy on the Orient express are bound to make me incredibly sad, so I seem to be compensating for that in my fanfiction writing. Thank you so much for the reviews; it really helps motivate me to write more.


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